My First (and Last) Stripper

I may never have seen a stripper if it weren't for touring. Why else would I have been at a rodeo cowboy bachelor party in South Dakota?

Seeing a stripper has never been a priority of mine, as I'm both a feminist and stingy. But after my experience, strippers are in fact a priority in my life, in that I hope to never see one again.

We'd been hiking in the Badlands all day and were persuaded by Seth to stop for "just one drink" at a bar. And that was it's name: "Bar." Little did we know that we'd wandered into a wild and crazy last night out for a rider on the rodeo circuit. When we walked in, it was definitely a little weird. "It" mainly being Zach's hair. But by the end of the night, the cowboys had bought us so many drinks that one of us ended up throwing up on the side of the highway. I won't say which Late Night Player it was, but his name was "Seth." (There were two then.)

Despite the fact that I used to dress like they do for real on Halloween, we all found enough common ground to develop a real camaraderie with the bachelor and his "pardners." It went a little something like this:

Them: We hate big government!
Us: So do we!
Them: We tour the Western half of the U.S.
Us: We tour the Eastern half of the U.S.!
Them: We're ranchers!
Seth: I'm a vegetarian!
Them: We're going to f*cking kill your p*ssy *ss!

When Seth clarified that he wasn't an "environmentalist," tempers died down.

There was much talk about how the girls had come all the way from Sioux City, which I think just meant that they weren't overweight. Still, I found their display unarousing and somewhat embarrassing. Instead, we all turned our attention to a naked girl who made us feel right at home: the owner's dog.