Finally, an Organic Fake Blood!

Everyone knows that corn syrup and red food coloring makes the best fake blood. But you may not know about the looks you get when you regularly purchase these items in small towns across America as an unshaven man in his late twenties who looks none too little like a terrorist.

I do. I also know how red my teeth turn when I have to hold the stuff in my mouth for too long. The more Seth ad-lib's, the darker they get. Also, to eco-friendly, liberal guys like us, over processed agribusiness products like corn syrup and food coloring are like edible Fox News.

I began to wonder if there was a more just way to pretend that I was bleeding. Believe it or not, I found an environmentally friendly alternative that was just as good and for just twice as much money.

The solution (get it? solution!) is organic agave nectar and pure cranberry juice concentrate. It's tarty, fruity, sweet, and even mixes well with homemade Febreze.