My Partner the Cork Screw

This corkscrew is one of 1,500 on display at the Culinary Institute of America in Napa Valley. They belonged to "Brother Timothy," one of the Christian Brothers made famous by their (low prices for their lousy) brandy. I was not at all surprised to learn that the exhibit is considered a "must see" by corkscrewnet.com. However, I am surprised that there isn't a rival site called corkscrewcom.net.

Also, it looks like Seth.

The View

This was the picturesque view of the Blue Ridge foothills en route to our hotel in Staunton, Virginia:



The view from within the hotel was quite different. There were two possibilities, depending on which side your room faced. I don’t know which was more disturbing - the window facing a parking lot…



Or the abandoned insane asylum…



Prowling around the grounds of the asylum, I quickly and irrationally became concerned for my well being. In fact, I went so far as to imagine myself having to use rudimentary parkour to reach the top of the tool shed for safety, while a deranged assailant slashed at the air, just beyond reach of my Achilles tendon.

This thought was disturbing in two ways. The first is that the only thing I want near my Achilles tendon is the cozy heel of my new Merrells. The second is the fact that I thought more about my safety than that of those who had been locked inside the now crumbling walls.

Which ranked higher as a cause for concern – the unlikely possibility of an attacking madman, or the suffering of those who had been confined to the structure I now found so eerie? Just thinking about how much worse it was from the inside finally sent a real shiver up my spine.

That night we were greeted at the venue by a volunteer staff of undergraduates. We later learned that they were part of a gifted program, which explains why, when we asked where they were each from, one of them said “Narnia."

Typo Negative?

Though often accused of misogyny, Ernest Hemingway tackles gender head on in his classic novella The Old Man and the Sea. Early in the story, the narrator suggests that, when referring to the ocean in Spanish, one's choice of article reveals the depth of the speaker's relationship to nature.

For instance, the modern fisherman, with their outboard motors and blaring radios, use the masculine form of "the," saying "el mar." In contrast, Santiago, symbol of a bygone era and (sea) salt of the earth, still prefers the softer, more feminine "la mar."

It seems a Peruvian restaurant in Somerville, MA, has initiated a similar discussion. At least that's what their cocktail menu suggests:

High Stakes

I earned this buck fair and square from the stewardess on our flight to Richmond tonight. I bet her that our disco ball wouldn’t fit in the overhead compartment. Full of bravado (and tiny pretzels), she said she’d go as far as to bet $500. Not wanting to risk a year’s pay, I talked her down. Meanwhile, the people waiting in line behind me grew only more eager to board.

When she realized her error, she dutifully paid up, and said: “There. Now you can go get a cheeseburger.”

If I’d played my cards right, she would have had to tell me to buy five hundred cheeseburgers.

The Sleepiest Little Parrot In Town

Note the bomber plane linens. This is Elise's cousin's "parrotlet," which is an unclever name for the world's smallest type of parrot. I do, however, enjoy the name of the color varietal "green rump."
For a reason I cannot understand, the bird likes to pretend that it's a little, sleeping human. It even holds the comforter in its tiny claws.

Euro-Pop Meets Swedish Massage

Also from San Fran, this photo comes from a promotional sandwich board in front of a posh spa, or "poshp". I think it's supposed to make you want to go to the spa, but it makes me think of the cover for The Bends, or Rufus Wainright being tortured with pancakes.

The Simpsons In San Francisco?

Funny, I thought he was more into horror movies and skateboards.

This is my second favorite public transportation acronym, the first of course being "MARTA." If all subways had such grandmotherly names, I think people would be less apt to urinate on them.

ATM, ATM! (Said like "Auntie Em")

As if calling an ATM an ATM Machine wasn't grammatically incorrect enough, we discovered this item on a cash machine at a bar in Newburyport, MA. Now how does that old saying go? "I" before "E" except after "C," in which case follow up with an extra "C" before "P?" I especially like that it's on there twice.



I know, I know - not everyone went to Brandies.

ps - I'm going on vacation, so no posts for a week. If you remember how, go talk to a human instead.

Bible Battles!

As promised, here's footage from my History Channel debut in a feature called "Bible Battles." The program makes the case that the Bible is not so much a spiritual text as it is a military history. It supports this theory with lots of footage of biblical heroes flying through the air and chopping peoples’ heads off.

While the theory may be unorthodox, when you examine the Bible through this lens, you finally get a response to the age old question “Why do bad things happen?” Answer: because it’s awesome!

Love At First Sight

Elise snapped this Photo of the Day while I was getting the distance between my pupils measured for new glasses. My interaction with the optometrist somehow looks both tender and antagonistic, but really it was just expensive.

Introducing the "Photo of the Day"

A lot of common New Year’s resolutions just aren’t going to come true, like dieting or deciding that next year you won’t drink so much champagne that it comes out your nose and butt. So I’ve picked a realistic goal that, with a little determination, I think I can actually keep up until the next time Father Time cuts Baby New Year’s head off with his scythe, lights it on fire, and hangs it for all to see in Times Square.

This year, every day, I’m going to wake up. Also, I’ve decided to start posting a “Photo of the Day.” If for some reason I don’t post a photo one day, I may not have fulfilled my first resolution. In that case, call a doctor.

Without further ado, the first Photo of the Day. I can only assume that this is a shrine to Sankt Snoä, the Swedish patron saint of snow: